The past is gone. Stop dwelling in the past. Stop torturing yourself with the past. Stop putting blame on you for what happened in the past.
Blame is serious energy. It blocks the heart, the desire to live, the capacity to love, self respect, self compassion, self esteem.
The past is over. What is it useful for then? As a lesson. Make an inventory of the experience lived. See how it helped you understand yourself. If you screwed it up then first do your very best to forgive yourself as deep as possible, then forgive others and ask for forgiveness as well.
All this can be done spiritually, in meditation, in deep silent prayer. If need to talk to someone do it with deep reverence and without expecting anything whatsoever back.
Time is very important when it comes to healing. Depending on the depth of the hurt you might require more meditation and prayer and inner reflection. At some point you will feel the liberation.
But stop dwelling on the past. It is gone. It will never be again. It is over. Come to the now. Deep, here, at this right instant. In fact the past, present and future are all now here energetically, spiritually.
That is why the past can be changed in meditation and silent reflection. Stillness is required. Silence and stillness.
Another practice that helps with clearing the past and the mind is pranayama. Breath of Fire works well. Nadi Shodhana also. Bastrika works great. In fact all pranayamas that move Kapha energy.
Come to one of my retreats and we can share together and learn more about how to make this work for you.
Stop blame to other right away. Stop telling your traumatic stories. As soon as possible. Immediately. Be in the present. Totally. If your mind takes you to the past again start then finding ways to come back to the present.
For example: exercise, art, music, dance, cooking, yoga, tai chi, qigong, meditation, hiking, surfing, laughter, etc.
God bless you very much,